Love Me To My Core


To stay married or not to stay married—that is the question. It’s a question that’s usually accompanied by gut-wrenching angst. Yes, I asked myself that same question many years ago—in fact, it was about 15 years ago. Over the past few months, I have had a few people come to me and ask my advice on marriage! Kinda a topic I’m no expert on since I’ve only been married twice, and No. 2 is still holding strong, thanks to my amazing hubby!

The No. 1 thing I ask people who’ve asked that question is this: Is your core the same? Do you both love God, do you both have the same beliefs, do you want the same things in life, will you raise your kids the same? I am a true believer that your cores have to be somewhat the same. The rest can fall into place.

Even though my ex and I had the same hobbies and we seemed to be on the same page, our cores were not even close. What he wanted in a wife and what I wanted for myself were not even on the same globe. He was sweet and a great person, but our core beliefs did not match.

So, after three years of wedded bliss, it was over. As I journeyed through the Big D, I really took time to write down all the things I needed in the core of a man. What’s crazy is, I came across that paper a few years ago and read it to Joel. He is every single one of those things.


So, back to saying yes to staying married, I always tell people I am on the side of marriage. I don’t take sides unless there is cheating, abuse, etc. I tell them, “No one can give you that answer, it’s your decision and you’ll have to own it.”

It’s a long, hard road whether you choose to stay or to go. I can tell you from experience, a long, heart-bleeding D-I-V-O-R-C-E can crush your spirit and soul. If you choose to leave because you discover your cores are not the same, make sure you remember why it didn’t work. Remember what kind of person you said “I do” to, so you don’t do it again!

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